Monday, October 15, 2012

Depression Awareness

October is depression awareness month. Green is the ribbon color. Being that I have battled severe clinical depression pretty much my whole frickin life, I felt compelled to do a green manicure dedicated to raising awareness of this most insidious, relentless and ubiquitous disease.  

Mani consists of:
L'Oreal Project Runway The Muse's Attitude
Color Club Kiss me Under the Mistletoe
Bundle Monster image plate 
Seche Vite

For me, depression is very much a physical disease. Chemical imbalances (yes, friends, chemicals are physical things) cause it. For me, that is every bit as REAL and tangible as, say, a tumor is for a cancer patient. Depression has never been "all in my head." It's not simply a matter of "cheering up and getting over it." When those chemicals shift and I feel myself going down, there isn't a whole lot I can do. It's as if someone turns the volume up on gravity. My bones are suddenly made of lead. Getting up becomes pretty much impossible. As does concentrating. The space between my ears fills with static and even when I force myself out of bed & try to make myself engage in some kind of activity, I catch myself standing & staring into space. I hate it. It wastes me and there is nothing I wouldn't give to be rid of it. Depression has been with me since I was a small child. I can't remember ever being without it. And, no matter how many pills or hours of therapy I throw at it, it still remains with me and probably always will. I'll spare you the worst of the details; suffice it to say I am lucky to be alive right now because I know so many people do not win the battle that I stubbornly fight to keep going each day and there were too many times that I, too, came dangerously close to losing. 

If you suffer from depression, I'm sure lots of this rings true for you, too. If you don't, please take the time to educate yourself and please don't ever assume that someone who struggles with this disease does so willingly.


  1. very worthy cause - thanks for the support! also your background is mesmerizing to me - like a caleidoscope

  2. Do meds and therapy not help at all, or do they make it easier to deal but definitely don't get rid of it all? I've gone back and forth with a few different meds as well as off and on therapy, and I think I'm at a good place right now. The worst thing about depression, though, is that even if you are doing well, the tiniest thing can send you backsliding and ruin all that progress. I hope you have more success in keeping the gray cloud of doom and gloom at bay. We all need good magic wishy prayer intention thoughts sent our way sometimes.


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